Dear Bulk Mailer,

Please find enclosed, these pictures I drew for you. They are all metaphores for how I feel: lots of teen angst and sexual frustration, mixed in with rage and anger that you sent me about two billion solicitations for credit cards. How many trees did you kill for all those envelopes? How much are you spending to spam me every day? You're the sole cause of the economic problems we are having. sakljdhaklsjha sdfaa ahhhhhhhhhhhh I'm going to go crazy if you send me anymore of these.

-Resident or Homeowner

Extreme NSFW Warning!

These are are drawings that I have sent as response to those obnoxious buisness-reply letters you send me. They are progressivly worse as I progressivly got more angry. (For the much more non-NSFW version, please visit http://officeofstrategicinfluence.com/bulkmailer/

Poo mailer, Capitol One application
Capitol One application

This chick represents how I feel about spam. It's a metaphore for angst.
This chick represents how I feel about spam. It's a metaphore for angst.

I'd rather stick a leaky duracell battery in my urethra than get a discover card
I'd rather stick a leaky duracell battery in my urethra than get a discover card


Disclaimer: Don't be stupid. If you're stupid, that's not my fault. But if you end up being stupid, you should totally take pictures of it. I am not affiliated with the Post Office, USPS, or any government anything, in any manner.