This should have told me something...

Rachael left my room about half an hour ago. She just came back crying, saying "I've been crying for half an hour and you don't even care!" and then she stormed off. What just happened?

Dishes

Rachael just came into my room and said, "I wish we had bowls to give to the dog instead of using clean ones and don't wash them and just leave them on the floor." She then stared at me for about 30 seconds, before turning and leaving. Meanwhile I'm still waiting for the punchline. Was it a joke? Was it sarcasm? Did she want me to do something? So I asked her "Would you like me to do anything?" and she says "No." Now she's in the other room doing something so I guess I'll never hear the punchline.

The day we signed our lease

It was raining outside, and Rachael decided to test me, like she likes to do. This time she wanted to see if I would be chivalrous and get the umbrella for her out of the car, in the pouring rain.

Rachael: Will you go get the umbrella for me?
Wally: How about this, I will run out to the car with you.
Rachael: (Pissed, and with a really sarcastic tone) I bet you would have gotten it for Ama
Wally: Ama wouldn't have asked me to get it
Rachael: Oh I forgot, I'm not perfect like your other friends

Privacy Bubble


Rachael likes to ask questions that prod us into a fight. For instance...

I closed my door a little while ago for privacy. Nothing big going on, just closed my door. She bursts into my room a little while later and said "I saw a spider and I was calling for you, why didn't you come?"

I have a feeling that she knew my door was closed, so she yelped quietly in order to highlight the fact that I couldn't hear her if my door is closed. Of course I fell into her trap and said, "Because I couldn't hear you."

"Why was your door closed?" she demanded immediately. It went downhill from there...she told me that I'm allowed to come into her room whenever I want, therefore, she should be able to come into my room. She was screaming so I told her to get out of my room, so I could resume relaxing. Of course she refused to, since she's determined that my space is rightfully her space. So I sorta tuned her out. I don't know how this ended because I ignored her until she left. Or did she leave? I dunno, she could still be behind me right now.

Bathroom door

Rachael: Why did you lock the bathroom door?
Me: for privacy?
Rachael: are you afraid I'm going to come in there?
Me: no, just a privacy thing
Rachael: yeah right, you don't trust me
Me: How did you know the door was locked?

Society

Rachael has entire conversations with herself, where she starts with an accusation against me, argues against my position, then makes a judgment, all in the same breath.

For instance, the second night in the new apartment, rachael says....

"You don't find me attractive do you. (two second pause). Wow, you really don't. You don't even need to say anything. Those girls in Maxim are much skinnier than me, that must be why you don't like me at all. Society has taught you what a perfect girl should look like, and you fell for it."

And yes, that was all said in the same breath, in about 20 seconds. I looked at her in disbelief, not knowing if I should justify the statement with a response, or laugh at her, or wait for her to burst out laughing because it's so ridiculous. But instead, she goes "I'm sorry I disgust you," and goes back to her room. Weird.

Rachael on reading

This was copy/pasted from instant messenger

me: I really should go read at the pool tonight. or tomorrow. or read period. my brain's going dumb.
Rachael: hrmmmmm i suppose i'm dumb then. thanks
me: um...once you tell me how that makes you dumb, then I'll say your welcome
Rachael: because i dont keep your mind intellectually stimulated

Your highness

Rachael was in the kitchen grabbing condiments for a meal...

me: can you get the salt while you're in there?
Rachael: what do you say?
me: huh?
Rachael: What do you say?
me: I don't understand
Rachael: What's the magic word?
me: What?
Rachael: You say 'please get the salt while you're in there'

This is probably the most offensive, insulting thing Rachael ever said to me. Unknowingly, Rachael revealed that she felt she is righteous enough to be a moral guide, who's so completely infallible that she is able to correct my etiquette, treating me like I am a misguided person who is in need of repair in order to be acceptable. It is perhaps a parent's obligation to teach their children how to be socially sound, as parents are the traditionally the authority on what a child should grow to be. Rachael tried to establish herself in this position, lowering me to the status of a child who doesn't know how to function in the world.

Displaying ads to try to salvage something from this atrocity


Stewie, my puppy

I've had my doggie, Stewie, since he was six weeks old. He's been through four moves with me, and he's my best friend. Rachael comes into my life for one month and says this gem:

Rachael: Does it upset you that Stewie loves me more than you?

Preview of things to come (part 1)

Several incidents occurred before I started this journal, which I'd like to relate now. Please keep in mind this is from memory, so it probably doesn't have the letter-for-letter accuracy that my other entries have.

By trade, I work for a media botique, who's purpose is to take client's material, and make it presentable (usually internet related). In any event, Rachael had been job searching in the area for a few months. She also came down to go to recruiting events, to no avail. So then I stepped in to help.

First, I looked over her resume. It took a lot of rewording. She had qualifications so it wasn't hard to write up a good resume. The problem was that her resume had a lot of empty filler; almost two pages of hobbies and inconsequential interests...and it looked like it was typed up in notepad. So I rewrote and reformatted the resume. Then I did some investigation to find some headhunter services that specialized in her field. I found one that seemed perfect, and helped her set up an appointment. Within the day, we had found her a job.

I must admit, I was a bit proud of myself. After several months of searching, she hadn't found anything, then I stepped in and in a few hours she found a job. I mean, who wouldn't be proud?

I spent my lunch break from work with Rachael. She was obviously happy, and said, "I never knew how easy it could be to find a job. I've never found a job this fast."

I showered Rachael with compliments. She was having her moment, and I was excited. So I told her how awesome she was, and things like "of course it’s easy to get a job when you’re as cool as you."

Of course I was excited too. Not only had Rachael found a job, but I had proven my trade skills. I relate the feeling I had to that of a firefighter carrying a child to the safe arms of an applauding crowd (obviously those victories are on a different level completely but you can imagine how pleased I was). So I admit, I was feeling pretty good about myself, and said something like, "This is what happens when we work together!"

She did not like that one bit. She responded with, "You don't think I could have done this on my own?"

I quickly retracted, saying, "That's not what I meant..."

To which she said, "I could have done with without you. I didn't need your help."

What thanks did she give? She asked me to do her sister's resume too.

Preview of things to come (part 2)

This is another event that happened before I started writing this journal, but want to express.

After finding a job, and having the notice that she could start in two weeks, Rachale packed her stuff and moved to DC. The day after Rachael moved to DC, she went to the first day of her job. It was the same day I was going to a job interview. So after I pointed her in the right direction in the morning, I started getting ready for my interview; prepping resumes, taking a shower, grooming, et cetera. A little after noon, I headed out for my interview. The interview was in DC, so I had to leave an hour early to be punctual. She called me as I was heading into DC.

"Hey, they're letting me out early," she said. "Want to go to lunch?"

"I can't," I said sadly. "I'm on the way to my interview."

There was silence on the line, so I offered a suggestion.

"Come back to the apartment, and when I get home from the interview, we can go eat. Or you can fix something for yourself in the mean time. Either way." (exact quote)

More silence. Half a minute later, she responded. "I don't have a key to the apartment."

Uh oh. She's right. I didn't know they were letting her out early, or I would have left the door unlocked. It was my turn to be silent, as I tried to think up a solution. I was just barely on track to making it to the interview. I weighed my options and decided that the job can wait; I need to take care of a friend. "No problem," I assured. "I'll go back and open the door." I turned my car around and headed back to my apartment.

A few minutes after we hung up, I got a text message from her that read:

"Thanks for being rude and yelling at me." (exact quote)

Phobias

Okay, I have a weird fear of being in the same room as microwave oven when it's on. Seriously. I know it's weird, but that's just something about me. It has to do with the radiation. Have you ever been in a hospital, and just looking at the needles and biohazard equipment makes you a bit queezy? It's the same thing, only with radiation instead of germs. Similarly, Rachael has panic attacks. Like any other normal human being, I always treat her gingerly when she has one. Then one day I made the mistake of telling her about my fear of radiation.

On a side note, when Rachael makes a mistake, she refuses to take part in any of the blame. By this, she raises her passive-aggressivness and lays on the sarcasm in attempt to guilt me. For instance:

me: I have radiophobia
rachael: what?
me: the abnormal fear of ionized radiation. I've gotten better, but before I used to freak out when the microwave was on and I was in the same room
rachael: whatever
me: psh, I'm going to start saying "whatever" when you have panic attacks (this is where she turns on that passive-agressive sarcasm thing I was talking about)
rachael: i thought you were pulling my leg. but you already know about my panic attacks. so if you want to do that ok

Ebay art, scandalous

rachael: what are you doing? (*caught you in the act look*)
me: looking at art on ebay
rachael: why?
me: huh?
rachael: why are you looking at art on ebay
me: just....because...?
rachael: is someone buying you some art? (*accusingly*)
me: no...?
rachael: are you buying art for someone?
me: no...?
rachael: then why are you looking at art on ebay?

Black people here

After working at her new job for a few weeks, Rachael told me "Black people here [in DC] are a lot different than the black people in New York."

Yay myspace

regarding Myspace...

Rachael: I noticed you filled out Abby's survey and not mine

Now & Laters (the candy)

Me: do you know where they sell Now&Laters?
Rachael: Why?
Me: ....so I can eat them?
Rachael: are you sure?
Me: uh...yeah
Rachael: is it for a girl?

Lying (June 23rd)

I was chatting with Rachael from work and told her I wanted to drink that night. When I got home, I was tired, and decided I didn't have the energy to drink. But since I said I wanted to drink, and decided not to drink, Rachael called me a liar the rest of the night.

Dude, seriouslly...wtf


July 11th

Rachael's computer was messing up, so being a computer guy in the computer industry with a computer related major, she asked me to help her fix her computer. About ten minutes after I get her computer working...

Rachael: What happened to the icons on my desktop?
Me: You mean the AOL trial icons?
Rachael: Yeah
Me: I deleted them
Rachael: Did I tell you you could do that?
Me: Dude, we have Comcast high speed internet
Rachael: That's not the point

Dude, seriouslly...wtf (part 2)


Last night, July 11th...

Rachael: I'm not scared of you
Me: Okay...
Rachael: Does that intimidate you?
Me: Huh?
Rachael: Does it intimidate you that i'm not scared of you?
Me: ...

Uh...no, but bringing that up is kinda scary

What are you doing?

Rachael came into my room late last night, to put some cortisone cream on.

Rachael: I thought you were going to bed
me: yeah in a little
Rachael: Whatcha doing?
me: editing some Flash files
Rachael: what else are you doing
me: reading my email
Rachael: What were you doing before that
me: playing some Warcraft
Rachael: someone's talking to you on AIM
me: Joey's telling me something about Warcraft
Rachael: I think Kari's talking too
me: yeah, she asked me about Transformers.
Rachael: you're talking to her now?
me: nope, that was about an hour ago
Rachael: why are you sitting so close to the computer?
(arrrgggggg. what is she getting at?)

Very niiice

We were watching Borat last night. This particular scene occurs when the humor specialist is teaching Borat about "Not" jokes, and "Mother in law" jokes.

Borat's Teacher: Here in America, we don't find it appropriate to make fun
of mentally retarded people. We don't make fun of things that people can't choose
Rachael: [With stunned disbeliefe] What!

Social Bookmarking

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July 17th update

Rachael: I need to go to eckerd and wachovia
me: sweeeeet
Rachael: is that doable for you?
me: Ohhhhhh you want me to go. sure
Rachael: oh nevermind
me: ...okey dokes
Rachael: i just thought you had to go to eckerd as well
me: i do
Rachael: yeah so why not do it together???
me: we can, but you said never mind

/palmface

Bullfighting

July 18th. Rachael constantly tries her best to make me feel like an evil person. Okay here's the story. When I was in highschool, I went to Spain, and there was a tour. One stop was an amphitheater, where we admired the architecture. Then the tour guide took us in and sat us around the concrete coliseum. It ended up being a bull fight. Since going, I have forever sworn off bullfighting as a "sport", and I decided to tell Rachael how much I hated the activity of bullfighting.

Me: Bullfighting can hardly be considered a sport. It's more of a grotesque theater for killing the bull. The bull stands no chance. At the beginning, the matadors-in-training stab the bull in the back until it's back muscles are weak. Then armored horses come and jab it a few times. Then the matador comes in, and if he's in trouble, a whole army of people are there to flag the bull down. There is no contest, no sport.
Rachael: You went to a bullfight?
Me: If you can call it a "fight," yes.
Rachael: You actually paid to get in?
Me: Yeah
Rachael: Then you're as bad as the people who support dog fighting.

I denounce bullfighting, which means I support animal cruelty?

Christmas Presents

Several things you need to know about this one. 1) Ama made me a scarf for my birthday. 2) Rachael and I keep having arguments on gift giving. She seems to be in the school of thought where a more expensive present means more love.

Rachael: *looking through a catalog* Hey look at this *points to an expensive gizmo*
Me: That's pretty hot!
Rachael: I'm going to get you this for Christmas
Me: No no, that's so expensive, don't get me that for Christmas. Don't feel like you have to get me anything for Christmas
*Few seconds where she gets all silent and shakes her head*
Me: What's wrong?
Rachael: I want to get you that, but apparently it's not good enough for you

Oh oh, it gets better!

Me: I really don't want anything for Christmas. I don't measure friendship based on the expensiveness of a present
Rachael: Do you let other friends give you presents?
Me: I guess?
Rachael: Then why do you accept it from them, but you won't accept a present from me?
Me: Because it's not a big deal to me. It's just a present, and I'd rather you save money
Rachael: Well I'm sorry if I don't know how to make a scarf *storms off*

Martial Law

Okay, so LC (her dog) always gets up on the counters and sniffs for food, and then Rachael and I have to spank her. One day I cooked some lemon pepper chicken for Rachael and I. I came into my room with food and started to eat. Then Rachael said "where is LC?" and I said "She's out in the living room" and rachael gives me this you're-stupid look and then she says "So you left the dog out there with the hot stove so she can burn herself?"

I say let the damm dog figure it out. That would teach it real quick why it's bad to get up on the counters. I guarantee she'd never go for the counter anymore. In fact, if I had thought of it before, I think I would have turned the stoves on, on PURPOSE, to teach the dog never to get on the counters. What's better: one half-second burn, or a life time of spankings because she doesn't know getting on the counter is bad?

Who else thinks that is horrible parenting?

Sleeping on the couch

I dug up this gem of a conversation. It happened when we were still living in the 1 bedroom apartment back in May-ish.

Rachael (11:05:43 PM): i think it would be best if i start sleeping on the couch
me (11:04:06 PM): w3rd
Rachael (11:09:39 PM): i suppose you're happy i'm sleeping on the couch?
me (11:10:00 PM): no, but I bet you think I'm happy that you're sleeping on the couch
Rachael (11:10:26 PM): i dont know what you think i cant read your mind remember?!
me (11:11:13 PM): yeah I know but you always think the worst
Rachael (11:11:30 PM): i'm not thinking the worst. why do you always have to put me in that category?
me (11:11:38 PM): you think that I'm happy that you're sleeping on the couch
Rachael (11:11:53 PM): i am not, i'm asking you
me (11:11:56 PM): why would you even think that? that's a silly thing to even think
Rachael (11:12:20 PM): because i dont want to sleep on the fucking couch!
me (11:12:31 PM): then why the heck would you sleep out there?

Instant Messenger

Last night (July 18th), Rachael saw a girl she didn't like online. Rachael then logged off. Then she came into my room ...

Rachael: why are you on AIM? I'm not there

Argument Examples

One of the absolute most frustrating things about Rachael, is she refuses to believe that someone cares for her. Because of this, we constantly (and I do me constantly) have arguments that go like this:

-Rachael says I don't care about her.
-I tell her I do.
-She denies it, telling me what I'm not doing that would show her I care for her.

She then tries to convince me that I don't like her by presenting everything I don't do that would reassure her that I like her. An example of this would be:

Rachael: It's so sad, I do nothing but love you, but you don't care about me
Wally: Of course I care about you
Rachael: if you cared about me then you wouldn't be reading Maxim. You'd be talking to me
Wally: ...
Rachael: Wow, you don't even have to say anything, I know you don't care about me.

That's just one example. Pick anything I do besides breathing, and whatever it is I'm doing, it means I don't care about her. This includes work. If I'm doing work and not chatting with her on AIM, it means I'm ignoring her.

Finally, after maybe...two dozen arguments like this, I finally get fed up that she's trying to convince me of something that's not true, so I say "Okay fine, you convinced me, I don't care about you," to which she responds, "You said it not me."


Oh, this reminds me. If we're sitting at a restuaunt, and I look out the window for a few seconds she'll say in a very pissed off tone "I'm over here." No joke, she really does that. A lot.

The ideal sense of humor

So, Rachael and I once again had an argument, where she says she cares for me, and I feel like she's treating me like shit. The arguments go like this: 1) She says she cares for me 2) I let her know that I don't feel like she cares for me when she disrespects me 3) She refutes my claim, asking for an example.

So we had one of those arguments today. So I cited an insult Rachael told earlier in the day, where she saw a bee and said, "I wish that bee would sting your dick and make it bigger." I use it to help explain how she disrespects me. (In another note, I'm completely confident in my manhood, so I have no problem telling you she said that :-p )

Rachael: What do I do that's offensive?
Me: For instance, earlier, you said the thing about the bee
Rachael: That was a joke, but some how you think I'm evil for it
Me: You don't see how it may be offensive?
Rachael: Everyone else thinks I'm funny, but you don't get it. People love my sense of humor.
Me: By that logic, you feel like you can go anywhere any everyone will say you have a great sense of humor.
Rachael: Well, if you see an orange, and you call it a banana, that would be pretty fucking rediculous.

First off, ouch. Second off, how egotistical can you be to assume your sense of humor is the touchstone of humor? Like, she actually feels her humor is perfect. The worst part is she truly truly feels this way.

"Usually when a person says they have an excellent sense of humor, they're telling us how unfunny they are" -Dave Berry

Rachael the sexist

Rachael and I some how started talking about how lionesses were the ones that hunted:

Rachael: Women are better equiped to hunt.
Me: (supporting her ideas like I always do) That may be true, women have a higher tolerance for pain.
Rachael: so do you know why men go to war and women stay home?
Me: Why?
Rachael: Because it only takes one man to impregnate many females, but a female can only be pregnant once at a time. Women are more valuable than men.
Me: The reason why men protect the women is because there is nothing more defenseless than a pregnant female.
Rachael: Way to take something positive I was saying about women and making it sexist.

Don't say "woman"

I just told Rachael that one of the great things about DC is there are a lot of strong, empowered women. Rachael responded, "Don't say that word." I asked her what she meant and she said "the word 'woman' is offensive."
(That is a direct quote, and she really did say it)

Woman issues

In my "group dynamics" class in college, one fact we learned is that 90% of the males in prison come from single-parent homes. That isn't me giving social commentary or political statement, it's just a fact. So just like everything I learned in college, I bring it with me, to help evaluate situations, and to aid me as I learn more, and possibly reshape the facts I learned.
It's always sad to see a broken home, and I wish there was something I could do about it, but it's not my place to do anything, or even judge. All I can do is make sure I'm a good father when I get to that point.
So my neighbor is a single mother with a son. I see this and I say "It's sad to see a single mother with a boy."
Rachael's sarcastic response: "Why, because that boy is going to grow up learning how to treat women right?"

Heh...

Me: I'm going to wake up around 3 AM, do my daily tasks, then pass out right after work
Rachael: But then you wouldn't see me
Me: That's the only way I can make my schedule work
Rachael: But we can't see each other, why would you want that?

If she did it, this is how she'd do it

This is citing from memory so it's not 100% accurate, but it's as close to accurate as I can remember; but this conversation did in fact happen. It was after we moved to the new apartment and just before we started playing warcraft for the night. One night Rachael said "If I ever wanted to get back at you, know how I'd do it?"
I respond "no" because that's like, a really weird thing to talk about.
She said something to the effect of "I won't do it now, but this is what I'd do. I'd call the FBI and report you for child porn."
"What?" I asked in super disbelief.
"And you know how I'd do it?
"No," I said, not even wanting to imagine something that gross.
"I'd download it onto your computer when you weren't around. There's no way you would be able to defend yourself."

Not only is that a supreme abuse of the law, but that's the most disgusting thing I could imagine. Who the fuck would ever download that kind of thing? Even worse, who'd think of doing that as revenge?

Eating

The other night, Rachael and I woke up from a late nap. It was about 9:30 PM on a weekend. We were both very groggy, dazed, and hungry. roggy, I suggested we go to a dinner. She agreed. Clouds hung over the city as if it just finished raining, but the streets were dry. The clouds contributed to our general state of tiredness and slow-to-wake sluggishness. We didn't say much because we were both tired.

We went to the Silver Diner in Rockville. We were still very quiet, and my eyes were just finally opening all the way. We picked out what we wanted. I ordered some slop that I always order because it looks good in the picture on the menu. I forgot what she ordered. While waiting for dinner, my friend called. His nickname is "Juice", which is short for Justin. He just finished reading a manuscript I wrote. He was calling me to give me his professional advice on how to improve it.

Juice noticed somethinig about my writing, which he needed to tell me about before I submitted this manuscript. Sometimes when I write, I copy and paste tidbits that I've written down before and want to reuse in the sense of a repeating motif or establishment of an ironic paragraph. Occasionally I forget to alter the part I've pasted, which means I repeat myself. He noticed this in my manuscript, and told me how he's seen this before in my writing, and it was kind of funny because he was able to pick it out so clearly and call me on it. It's the sort of thing that only a friend notices. So we both had a good laugh. When my dinner - which looked oh-so-good on the menu, but looks like slop now - came, I let Juice know and we hung up. That's when I notice Rachael giving me a look that said I just kicked her puppy.

My first reaction was that she was upset that I had answered a phone call during dinner. That would be a logical, albeit overly sensitive, thing to get upset about, right? But no that's not why she was upset at all. She was upset because my friend made me laugh.

You see, she was upset because she felt she should be the one making me laugh. And of course that means that if someone else makes melaugh, then she's threatened, which means she gets upset with me. Her eyes were so angry. She wouldn't look at me, and she wouldn't respond to things I said. She gave me the silent treatment

You've read this correctly. She was upset because my friend made me laugh, and she hadn't.

This was way too much stress to have during a late night snack, so I asked for the check. Not wanting to be outdone, and to further prove that she was upset, she got up and left the resturaunt.

Drama queen

Okay, you know when you accidentally email the wrong person, or respond to the wrong person on instant messenger? That happened with rachael. I was talking to Kim, but accidentally sent the convo to Rachael.

me: ask him where he works he says he's an executive I'mma look him up
Rachael: who?
me: LOL oops. kim is talking about this guy she met on match.com who's lying about all his stuff rachael: oh. sorry
me: sorry about what?
rachael: being in the way of the conversation. or interrupting with my conversation

Rachael's family in town, Part 1

Rachael's family's in town, and there are a few gems I would like to share. this one's easy so I'll do it first.

Me to Rachael's Mom: Smile for the camera!
Rachael's Mom: I don't like to smile

Rachael's family in town, Part 2

Rachael and her family took me to an Orioles vs Yankees game. It was kinda fun. Before hand, we went to a skybox where we all drank and ate for free, which was included in our ticket. The game started, and her father and I were still eating and drinking. She decided she wanted to go to our seats while her father and I finished drinking.

Okay sooo about 15 minutes later, he and I are done. On the way to our seats, we buy two more beers each (there's a two beer limit per person). We're double fisting!

We get back to the seats, and Rachael, in full accusation mode, goes "Where's my beer." I look down, and she has two beers of her own, that she got from a vendor.
"Uh, you have beer," I said.
"I know, because I knew you wouldn't get me one." Keep in mind, these are accurate, exact quotes.
Her sister was there too, and saw Rachael was upset, so she chimed in. "What's wrong Rachael?"
Rachael sat and huffed and didn't answer, so I did. "She's upset because I got beer and didn't bring her any."
Her sister saw that Rachael had a beer in her hand and said "But you have a beer."
I put that smug look on my face that said "You're right," and let Rachael stew on her own.

Rachael on friday the 13th

Friday the 13th. Sheesh My Dad is throwing a private event. He's hired a personal chef, and has requested each of the family members bring someone close. He even wants us to dress for the event. I don't quite understand the reason for him doing it. He asked me to bring some Health proxie information. Is he planning on announcing something bad? Does he have cancer? Does my Mom?

No matter the reason, this is a big family event, and my father asked me to bring someone close. I think my Dad is bringing his lawyer, and my mom is bringing the man that delivered my sister (I think). My sister is bringing her long-term boyfriend. I invited a near and dear family friend of 9 years to the event. I can't express how close my guest is to my family. She's almost a sister. My parents treat her as such, and her parents treat me as such. If something big is happening in my family, I want Ama to be there.

Ama asked me on facebook how to dress, and Rachael of course looked through my facebook, and saw that, and went batshit crazy. Keep in mind, I've known Rachael for three months, I've known Ama for 8 years. Take special notice of how Rachael takes ideas and runs with them.

RACHAEL: so we going to the rents this weekend?
ME: I'm going to some family dinner on sunday
RACHAEL: i'm not invited? you dont want me there? am i suppose to be giving you the benefit of the doubt in not wanting to be like other guys and hurt me right now?
ME: Yup
RACHAEL: even though i'm not invited?
ME: Yup
RACHAEL: but ama is? thats pretty fucking hurtful
ME: Oh I get it, brb (this is where I delete my facebook acount.)
RACHAEL: whatever. you dont want me there ? what do you say to your parents that they wouldnt invite me?
ME: So, for my own edification, do you view a person inviting themselves to something as a personality flaw?
RACHAEL: no i'm not inviting myself at all. but thanks for inviting me and ama....oh no wait you just invited ama
ME: oh wait, you don't understand and you're assuming things again, and you're offending yourself, wooooooah
RACHAEL: whatever understand what? why dont you do that thing you do and explain it to me in that way you do
ME: I don't care to explain it...I don't want to expend the energy, and I shouldn't have to
RACHAEL: exactly. explaint he fact that you hurt me by that. and leaving me at home doesnt mean a damn thing to you. whatever. no explanation is going to change the fact that i mean so little to you (wow, martyr much?). so there is no reason to lie to my face anymore. i try to make it so things get better, and then you slam something like that into my face (victims complex much?) and obviously you knew it was wrong, so you didnt tell me the whole truth about what you were doing and with whom
ME: I know I havn't done anything wrong, and I'm kind of entertained that you're taking it this way. Especially since I know i havn't lied
RACHAEL: entertained that i was hurt?
ME: No, entertained by this crazy fabricated reality of yours
RACHAEL: whta did i fabricate? its not crazy, i was hurt. being hurt doesnt mean i'm crazy, stating a fact doesnt mean i'm crazy. is it true you are going to have a family dinner? is it true that you did not invite me? is it true that ama is going? is it true that you did not tell me this? i dont see where any of that is fabricated
ME: I did not invite you, ama is going, and I did not tell you that. Now, you are offended. Any reason you have for being offended is fabricated. Now, tell me why you're offended, and I'll tell you the assumptions you made
RACHAEL: i am offended that you did not invite me but that ama is going. i am offended that you do not want me to be there. i am offended that you did not tell me that she was going. that is all
ME: okay, you're in your own world, and there's nothing I can say to bring you out of that. you have maybe 2 percent of the facts, and you're basing everything on that. I don't care to explain the situation, and if you're punishing me based on that, I don't feel like I have a valid reason to be concerned that you're hurt
RACHAEL: what do you mean by 2 % of the facts? i'm not punishing you by no means, i'm venting my hurt
ME: I could tell you why, but what's the point? you already made your decision to be angry. I didn't do anything wrong, so I don't feel like I need to defend myself. you keep thinking what you want to think

And that's where I stopped. I can't take it anymore. At least not without sedatives

At the movies

Kari, Rachael, and I went to see the movie Hot Fuzz. Kari sat on my right and Rachael sat on my left. Half way through the movie, I thought Kari was trying to whisper something to I turned to look at her. It turns out Kari wasn't saying anything, so I turned back to watch the movie. Rachael then says "What were you looking at?"

Once again looking at other people's stuff

This is the same reason I deleted my myspace, and deleted my facebook. She reads through everyone's stuff then gets things out of context. She'll take everything she sees and then makes up something in her head, and then confronts me about it. But since she made it up, I have no idea what she's talking about.

Rachael: so whats wrong with jessica?
me: huh
Rachael: she was like 'i'm not done with you yet' and then she was like 'you arent online still'
me: huh? she said that to you?
Rachael: no it was on her away message
me: I don't know...you should ask her
Rachael: i figured you knew 'cause its you shes talking about, and if she isnt done with you yet, then there was stuff before that
pause
Rachael: oh well no biggie guess you just dont want to tell me
Don't want to tell you? You're the one telling ME about it!

On being bipolar

I forgot when this one happened. One time Rachael and I were driving to Arlington. We were talking about paxil, and she said something to the effect of "Bipolar people take [drug] but I'm not bipolar. I take [drug] for the anxiety." She said that she's not bipolar with emphasis.
Then I responded with "I don't care if someone is bipolar or not."
Then she raised her voice. "But I'm NOT bipolar!"
So I said "Fine you're not. I don't care."
So again she said "I just hate it when people say I'm bipolar"
So I said, "Good. Then you're not bipolar."
She then said "But you think I am, don't you."
So I responded "It doesn't matter...I don't even know what that word means, so it's no big deal if you were."
Then she got angry and said "But I'm NOT!!!"


Sheesh

Dog poo

Late July. Our next door neighbor has several sisters that come over regularly. One of the sisters is pregnant.

Rachael took her dog out, then came back in. She came into my room and looked at me with this super serious glare.

Rachael: Since I have to clean my dog's poo inside, you have to clean up your dog's poo.
Me: Huh?
Rachael: Since I have to clean my dog's poo inside, you have to clean up your dog's poo.
Me: What do you mean
Rachael: The neighbors just yelled at me. Their daughter stepped in dog poo. So you have to start cleaning up your dog's poo outside. [She was ANGRY with me]
Me: Why are you taking it out on me?
Rachael: Because they yelled at me!
Me: [I pause. Yes, she really did say she was taking it out on my because they yelled at her. To diffuse the charged atmosphere, I tried to get her talking about it. Hopefully it will make her feel better...] Which neighbor yelled at you? The pregnant one?
Rachael: No, the hot skinny blond one, because I know that's what you're thinking
I don't even know where to begin to correct her on that one.

Are you into BBW?

This happened in mid-May, and I just now remembered it.
Rachael feels that she is always right, and defends herself to the death when someone tells her she's wrong. For instance, it is her opinion that I am superficial. Ever since I first refuted this claim, she has come up with every argument possible to prove to me that I am superficial. For instance, in order to prove to me that I am superficial, she used this argument (word for word):

Rachael: When you look at porn, what kind of porn do you look at?
me: ...
Rachael: do you look at skinny chicks?
me: uh...what?
Rachael: You look at skinny chicks, don't you.

The implication is this: if I look at porn of skinny chicks, that means that I'm not open minded because it means I prefer skinny girls over fat girls, which means that I'm only interested in a girl's body.

Projections

Last night, July 25th.

Rachael: I'm hungry
Me: Then go eat
Rachael: What?
Me: If you're hungry, then eat something
Rachael: Stop pushing me away
Me: How am I pushing you away? I'm sitting still
Rachael: You're mentally pushing me away
This goes hand in hand with a previous aim argument where she sorta makes things up (about two months ago)
(insert a 20 minute argument about Rachael feeling like I don't think she's attractive)
Me: I didn't say you're not attractive. You're the one saying that
Rachael: no you say it
Rachael: not by mouth

Maxim

I was reading an article in Maxim today about a journalist in the middle east who was taken as a hostage at gunpoint, and sold to others who wanted to hold him for random. The article detailed the hostage taking, and explained the philosophy that his captures had. It also explained the situation in the Middle East and what its like to be a journalist while dodging bullets.

But of course Rachael sees me reading the Maxim and got angry.

As you know, Maxim deals with "guy" topics, and it has surprising little to do with females. Sure, Maxim has the requisite dime-a-dozen spreads with the same girl posing in underwear, but if you subscribe to Maxim, you're not getting it for the girls; remember, this isn't the stone age...the internet exists these days. Guys don't subscribe to magazines to look at the girls. Guys get Maxim for the interviews...for the articles on the next super car...for the "how to break out of prison" section, for the action-journalism article that's near the back. Rachael doesn't see that. All she sees is a magazine that is cover-to-cover in bikini's, and she treats me as if I'm staring at pictures of hardcore lesbian pornography.

Seriously though, I usually don't even know who's on the cover. The girl on the front usually only serves as a way to differentiate last month's magazine from this month's, which is really helpful since they're piled on my bathroom floor.

Personality

This happens frequently when driving down the highway. Sometimes I need to shift lanes. When there isn't an immediate opening, I turn my blinker on. Then sometimes the car next time me backs up a little to allow room for me to come in. I shift over and wave to the person behind me. Waving to the other driver is totally instinctual for me, like saying "thanks" to someone for holding the door for me. Rachael gets on me every time I do that. "You don't need to do that, you know. They had to let you in."

Well of course they had to let me in, especially if I just barge my way into the lane. But that's not the kind of person I am, and Rachael can't seem to understand the desire to be the person who says thank you to another motorist.

An even bigger mistake to make around Rachael is letting a car go before you at a four way stop. If myself and another car arrive at a four way stop at the same time, usually I wave the other person on. Rachael gets furious over this and tells me "Why'd you let them go? You have the right to go now."

In a related mater, I'm a huge fan of efficiency. If I'm on foot and walking across the street, and I can pause for half a second to let a car go by, then I do it. It's much better than me saving half a second, and having a car have to completely halt it's momentum, then burn gas to accelerate, which causes traffic as other cars now have to slow down to accommodate the driver infront of thm. But no, if I want to pause for half a second, Rachael get's angry, insisting we have the right of way.

So what does this all say about Rachael's personality? Think of it this way: Rachael's the kind of person who'll send her food back at a restaurant five times if the food doesn't taste the way the picture looks. This is because she feels that she deserves the chef's cooking style to match what she's imagining. Yeah yeah, give me all your arguments about how they're there to satisfy you, but it is impossible to please someone with an over saturated sense of entitlement. You can always rate the quality of a person by how they treat people they don't know. And sending food back, or butting into a lane without signaling, or saving half a second at the expense of someone else are not good markers for a quality personality.

...not that I needed any more proof.

Ug

Is Hell taking any residency applications? I need to upgrade my living conditions

On Hugging

One of the things Rachael can't stand about me is the way I hug. When I hug people, one of the things I do is pat their back with one hand. It's a completely built-in thing; I don't do it on purpose, it's just something I do. I guess it somehow makes me feel like I am interacting with the hugger on a more personal level. Anyway, so as a reflex, whenever I hug Rachael, I pat her on the back. She gets really really upset, and says that it "shows you don't care about me."

Time to delete myspace again?

July31st. This one is a bit complicated because it involves people I haven't mentioned. Katie is Brad's girlfriend. They both live in Clemson. Katie has a myspace picture up, which is rare, because she usually doesn't like pictures of herself. I posted a comment that said "Am I even allowed to comment on this!" because I don't want to piss Brad off.
Below is my comment, followed by Katie's response.



Rachael's take:
Rachael: So who's Katie?
Me: Who?...OH you mean on myspace?
Rachael: Yeah
Me: It's Brad's girlfriend
Rachael: Her myspace says she's single.
Me: Well...she's not
Rachael: But you are attracted to her?
Me: Huh?
Rachael: You said she lost weight on her pictures
Me: She has, but I didn't say that
Rachael: then why did she say you did?
Me: She said that she had lost weight
Rachael: But she also thanked you for saying good things about her.

Aaaaaaarg!!!!

Our Song


Rachael just IM'd me and told me that our song was on the radio. Then I asked what song, and whatever it was she answered with I swear to God I've never heard of it in my life. Like....how did that random ass song become our song without me ever hearing it?

Singing

So last night (August 2nd) I'm writing, or doing something, on my computer. Rachael leaves my room to do something in the kitchen.

Rachael: (Sing song voice to the puppy, LC) LC, you are so cute and dancing! why are you dancing!
me: (to rachael and puppy in the other room) Hehehehehhe!!
Rachael:(Sing song voice) LC, daddy's having a conversation [on AIM] with someone while we're not in the room and he's laughing about it.
me: I'm laughing at LC dancing
Rachael: (Sing song voice) LC, now daddy's trying to pretend he's been paying attention to us!

Vegetarian

Jessica is another good friend of mine from Clemson. I've known her almost as long as I've known Ama. Jessica was my roomy for about two years, and before that, she was "the guy on the couch" which is awesome.

So, a few days ago, Rachael and I decided to be a vegetarian to loose some of unhealthy weight. I like telling this to people in my usual jovial manner, like "GUESS WHAT! I'M A VEGI-SAURUS!" and everyone gets a good laugh, and I feel pretty funny.

Now, check out this conversation:

Rachael: [my name] and i are going vegetarian
Jessica: lol

Then, Rachael comes crying to me:

Rachael: jessica is laughing that we are eating vegetarian (Hehehe, yeah it's pretty silly that i'm going vegetarian)...Whatever (woooooah, slam on the breaks. she's pissed about it. well, it's okay I'll explain it)
me: she's probably laughing with because she's a veggi too. or was
Rachael: no she is apparently and laughing at you not eating meat and id ont think there is anything funny
me: I think you are mistranslating it
Rachael: hrm. ok. it must be me then (ug, with the martyr complex again!)
...pause...
Rachael: shes laughing because she doesnt think you can be a vegetarian. so then i suppose she thinks i'm forcing it on you (what! hahahahahhaha where did that come from. Yes, Rachael actually said that)
me: she told you that she thinks you're forcing it on me?
Rachael: she said 'as long as i've known [my name] he has eaten lots and lots of chicken, so i dont see him not going without it' (hehe, sounds like my Jessica!)
Rachael: but you arent going without it so thats why i'm confused in the humor
me: I think you don't see the humor because you're in a bad mood
Rachael: actually i wasnt in a bad mood
Rachael: thanks (woohoo, sarcastic "thanks")
Rachael: explain the humor to me?
Rachael: because i didnt get it and somehow that makes me freakin' stupid or a bitch (awww, cry more please)
me: how does that make you stupid, or a bitch?
Rachael: because you've changed your talkign to me, talking down. i dont get it! whats so funny about it?
me: well basiclly I know she's not laughing at me. so if she laughed, it's with me
Rachael: well what are you two laughing at that i'm not?
me: huh (really, I can't comprehend what's going on in her head)
Rachael: you said she is laughing with you
me: someone can laugh out loud, and not make it at someone's expense. that's what this is
Rachael: well then obviously i dont get it and you wont tell me (it's a big secret! I won't tell her that Jessica is laughing with me and not at me. omg! Also, I know who assassinated Kennedy)
Rachael: so you will talk down to me instead (*scratches head and scrolls up, looking for me talking down to her*) my apologies for being a dumbass as usual (you got it right on the nose that time, martyr)
me: okay, you know the thousands of times you've said something, and I've responded "lol"? (translation: can I dumb this down for you a lot?) this is exactly like that. I'm not laughing at you when I say lol
Rachael: i just get defensive when someone laughs about a decision i made in my life for the better (dude.... She. Was. Not. Laughing. At. You.)
me: she's not laughing at
Rachael: and i was hoping that you were serious about it like i am (What I am getting from this is "Because Jessica is not laughing at us, you are not taking this seriously")
Rachael: shes laughing because she doesnt see you ever doing it
me: nope . she's laughing a response like I do all the time
me: none of my friends have ever laughed at me. I promise you that
Rachael: well maybe she wasnt laughing at you in particular, maybe it was the fact that she doesnt see you doing it and that it was forced on you by me so she thinks its funny (again, where did that come from?) and you think its funny (huh?) so its making me feel like i have to defend my choice (not my fault you're a dummy)
me: I still don't see how you think she thinks you're forcing it on me
Rachael: SHE DOESNT SEE YOU BEING A VEGETARIAN
me: soooo?
Rachael: nevermind. you dont get how it made me feel, and its nothing to get into. not worth it
me: I get exactly how you feel, and I'm telling you that you shouldn't feel that way, and explaining why. How could I not know how you feel? you told me like, a dozen times (the convo sorta ends here. Either she decided to stop fighting about it, she vented enough to feel better, or she realized why she shouldn't be upset. The convo sorta neutraled out after that)

Vegitarian, continued

August 2nd. This conversation is in regards to the previous argument, about vegetarianism. I had talked to Jessica to find out if Jessica was laughing at me. When Rachael picked me up from the metro...

Rachael: Did you tell Jessica what we were talking about?
Me: I didn't copy-paste our conversation, if that's what you're asking. But yes, I did tell her what we were talking about
Rachael: I know you did
Me: If you knew, then why did you ask?
Rachael: Because I wanted to see if you'd lie about it

The Day Rachael Moved Out

August 4th
Sooo Rachael moved out yesterday. We were having an argument. Basically, I finally brought up the fact that she was torturing me, and she says that what I'm going through is worth it for all the love she gives me. Then she says that she is the only one who could possibly care for me as much as she does, because nobody else would think I'm worth their time. I wasn't buying any of it, so she threatened to go back to New York. I was supposed to say something like "no don't go," but instead I said "Take your dog." She was obviouslly trying to get me to stop her, because about 20 minutes later she called and told me she was coming back.

But by then I was already celebrating my freedom. I had the sweetest celebration too...I did something I hadn't done in months: I went to eat dinner with a friend! It was so awesome, I actually got to hang out with another human being! Of course Rachael couldn't stand that so she tried to do another powerplay and told me she was moving out.

And that's the end (yeah right I wish)

And I thought it was over...

Rachael moved out. That is a story in itself. But look at this conversation. She is completely unhelpable.

Rachael (12:02:39 PM): if your fear of dying has subsided, whats next?
Me (12:09:37 PM): I don't have a fear of dying
Rachael (12:09:53 PM): i wasnt saying you didd
Me (12:09:56 PM): oh..let's see...after fear of dying goes away, then uh...go conquer the world? people who arn't afraid of death are wholey unstoppable
Rachael (12:10:43 PM): but if you have nothing to live for........
Me (12:11:36 PM): then you have nowhere to go but up
Rachael (12:11:48 PM): now that doesnt make much sense. premature babies, brain trama patients, etc. if they have a will to live then its possible.....if they dont........what if that part of you is gone:?
Me (12:14:19 PM): give up?
Rachael (12:14:36 PM): hrm
Rachael (12:16:17 PM): its stupid that i have to talk to you about this because i have no one else to talk to, and then i realize you dont fucking give a shit, thats why i'm here, and I'm sorry .... I wont


QQ more, why don't you

From far away

Alright, a few days ago, I photoshopped a picture of a Warcraft character reading Science Magazine. Science is the magazine I work for. The Science editors absolutly loved it, because they just did an issue on social sciences of online gaming. The art department called me up shortly after, asking if I could illustrate their next article. The positive reception of my work truly humbled me.

I used Joey's Warcraft character to take the screenshot, then took a picture of myself holding a Science magazine, then photoshopped the two together. Below is the picture...




I showed all of my friends this picture and everyone was very complimentary, and I am very thankful. I made the mistake of showing Rachael, who was immediately offended that I didn't use her warcraft character to take the screen shot. (This won't make sense out of context, so I put contextual stuff inside [] brackets. The original convo is at the end.)

Rachael: too bad [my warcraft character] wasnt reading [the magazine], maybe next time i'll be implemented into something important in your life



(Original statment, unedited)
Rachael: okay signing off.........too bad diee wasnt reading it, maybe next time i'll be implemented into something important in your life

Myspace

Rachael (7:18:59 PM): soooo how come i'm like 25 on your myspace now? did i do something ?
Me (7:18:59 PM): OH
Me (7:19:00 PM): nope
Me (7:19:03 PM): remember they're all random
Rachael (7:19:25 PM): they were random now they are changed
Rachael (7:20:11 PM): that makes them not random anymore
Why must she always try to diffuse my diplomacy? I'm trying to be nice, I'm trying to accomodate her feelings; but it's like she wants to push me until I tell her the absolute worst version of whatever it is I'm saying.

You decide

One day, Rachael told me "Since I've gotten here, all I've done is love you, and all you've done is judge me." I realized that Rachael has a skewed view on reality. I decided I should archive what happened, because otherwise it's just her word against mine. So I wrote this blog, writing down most of the little things she does. I've tried to make it as neutral as possible, quoting as acurately as possible, to prevent biased writing.

Continued reading

Book Cover My Ex is Driving Me Crazy
Book Cover F My Life "It's funny, it's true, except when it happens to you"
Book Cover Women Are Crazy, Men Are Stupid


office of strategic influence